"It's You and Me Stefan...Always."


I won’t give up on Stelena or beremy….I can’t. they are too much a part of me

"A Steady Hand to Guide Me"
Chapter 4 of a Multi Fic
Rated M
Alison’s POV

After confessing her true feelings for Emily, Alison is both nervous and anxious for what the future holds for them. Emily helps her get over her nerves and guides her through the rocky terrain that is their new relationship.

Chapter 4 is here!

Please give your feedback either on this tumblr or on my instagram (shay_mlover) and please enjoy! Requests are accepted.


I walk into Emily’s room and hand her the extra pillow that she requested.

"Thank you" she says with a smile

I nod “You’re welcome.” I say before turning slowly and walking back towards her door.
“Where are you going?”

I stop walking but don’t turn around to face her. Where was I going? What was I even doing there? Then I remember that I am only there because Mrs. Fields asked me to keep an eye on Em and I am sure that she didn’t intend for me to do anything but that.

I turn around “I’m going to sleep downstairs, just in case.” I lie.

Keeping an eye on Emily would be much easier if I were actually in the same room as her.

She giggles “Ali,” she says “it’s okay. I know things are a little weird right now but you are my best friend. You were my best friend before any of this and it is okay for you to sleep in the same bed as me.”

I sigh, how was it that Emily could figure out exactly what was thinking and why I was thinking it when couldn’t even sort it out myself.

I chuckle nervously “You’re right.” I say as I close her door and walk towards her bed.

I climb underneath the comforter and we both rest our heads on our separate pillows at the same time. Emily stares at me shamelessly and I close my eyes.

I hear her clear her throat and I open my eyes again, she is still staring at me.

"Ali," she whispers "things are different. Really different."

I nod and she continues

"I can’t stop thinking about what we talked about on your porch the other night. It was good to finally hear your thoughts on everything."

"It was." I say

"All of the tension that we’ve built up over the years just spilling over in one night. It felt…" she squeezes her eyes shut "so good."

I try and control my breathing but my thoughts are rampant in my head. She is radiant and her hair is covering her entire pillow and she is so close. She can make even the moons light glow when it is touching her skin and I just want to kiss her. But I will wait until she gives me a signal.

She opens her eyes and sees me staring at her. She smiles almost immediately “We needed to hear that from one another.” Her smile shifts and it looks sadder “But we’re different. I’m not the same Emily just like you’re not the same Alison. I want to get to know the new you just like I want you to get to know the new me.” Her eyes move away from my face “I want to fall in love with the new Alison.”

"So what are you saying?"

"I’m saying I think we should just start over. If today made me realize anything it’s that nothing is promised. I don’t want to waste another second dwelling on what happened with us in the past. But I also don’t think we can just start from where we left off. We need a fresh start." She looks back at me and smiles again "Hi, I’m Emily Fields. Nice to meet you?"

I laugh to cover the pain I am feeling. I want to start over with Emily more than anything and I have no doubt that with a little work I can prove to her that she is way more than just practice to me. It’s the getting to know the new her that I am afraid of. She is already so different. The light in her smile that I see now are from people like Maya and paige and I am only a part of the old wounds that she has sealed off.

I have no idea how to break out of the scars and bruises that I have caused. And if she really is as changed as she seems then how will I ever compete with what she’s already had?

This is a fresh start and I can either take on a new path or walk down the same old rocky route that got us here.

Our old slate held a lot of pain and heart ache but it was enveloped in love. This new slate could be exactly that with a lot less of the bad stuff or it could be worse.

I was going to kiss her but I guess I will have to wait.

I take a deep breath and suddeny it hurts to be so close to her.

Maybe I shouldve stayed on the couch; we could’ve avoided this entire conversation.

But isn’t avoiding things how we got here? I can’t let history repeat itself no matter how painfully easy it’d be.

Emily is worth more than anything, she is more than I deserve and she is giving me a second chance. I’d move through hell and high water just to be with her. I decide then and there that I will scratch out our past and focus on the present and the future. I cannot be the same Ali and I won’t be.

I will be the better version of myself that Emily sees in me, no matter how difflcult it will be.

I take another deep breath and smile in the darkness “Hi, I’m Alison DiLaurentis. Nice to meet you, too.” I say cheerily and Emily giggles.

And just like that I’ve taken on an entirely new journey, it is foreign to me but the first few steps make me feel so good that I am suddenly not so afraid of the unknown.


I sit in class fiddling with my pencil and staring out blankly at the white board. Senorita Garcia is giving a lesson on subject pronouns, a freshman concept, and majority of the class are asleep or carrying on their own side conversations.

If this were any other day I’d come to Senorita Garcia’s rescue and get the class under control with the quick snap of my finger and a stern but steady “shut up” but today I can’t seem to focus on anything.

I keep thinking about how Emily was almost completely naked this morning when I woke up.

She’d said she didn’t want to wake me but I’m starting to think that this is all just a big game.

She’d offered to wait for me but I told her to go on, I needed the walk to clear my head.

Now I can’t stop thinking about how smooth her bare back looked and how badly I wanted to get up out of bed and run my fingers all over her skin. She has the legs of a goddess and it should be illegal how good her ass looks in boy cut panties.

I bite my lip and don’t notice that Senorita Garcia is speaking to me until she is standing in front of me. I jump when she slams her hand on my desk “Senorita DiLaurentis, que te gusta comer?”

I swallow “Uh, Yo me gusta comer Em” I stutter and realize what I am about to say “Enchiladas. Yo me gusta comer Enchiladas”

"Si, Enchiladas son muy buena." She says as she walks away

I sink into my chair and notice a group of freshmen boys staring at me and laughing. I sit up and glare at them “Can I help you!?” I ask sternly and they immediately stop and turn towards the board.

I gather my things up quickly and when the bell rings I am the first one out of the classroom door.

I walk down the hallways with purpose. If I want to be able to handle being around Emily then I’ve got to make my move.

She said that she wanted to take things slow but she never said that we had to wait. If anything we could at least hang out alone, like on a date.

I smile as I walk down the hallway where her locker is and see her standing there, just as beautiful with clothes on as she is without them.

I am about to call her name when someone sweeps past me and beats me to her.

I glare at the brunette as she leans against the locker next to Emily’s.


Emily giggles at something she says and I groan. If anyone was going to ruin this it would be Paige.

I am about to walk away when a thought hits me. Regardless if Page and Emily were together Emily and I have one thing that they will never have; history.

We had late night phone calls and early morning talks. We had kisses when no one was around and the slight touching of fingers when we thought no one was looking. Long love letters and poems and even longer letters in fits of rage. We had a beautiful, complicated, mess that even Paige couldn’t replicate.

Emily has know that even though she wants to forget and move on what we had, the plans we made, they still mean something.

The memories are what fuel us; they have made me stronger in my wait to mean come home. They have made Emily hopeful. We can’t forget that.

My smile grows and I walk towards her again. I move right past Page and look at Emily, a surge of confidence flowing through me.

Emily looks from Paige to me, confused, but still smiling “Hey Ali.”

I could do this in private but that is one thing that I won’t carry over from our past. The constant hiding was so unbearable and I may not be willing to scream “I love Emily” from the rooftops right now but with time I may be able to.

This is the first step, letting Paige and whoever else happens to walk past us hear what I am about to ask.

"Hey, Em I was wondering if you wanted to hang out tonight? We’ll go out, get dinner, maybe catch a movie. Sound good?"

Emily chuckles in disbelief “Sounds…really good.” she says with a smile

posted 1 month ago with 11 notes

AU: Hanna & Emily are a couple, but now that Alison’s back, their relationship is beginning to fracture. Emily returns to being that 15 year old girl who’s head over heels for Ali, while Hanna’s road down ‘Alcohol Lane’ displays her hurt and anguish. [insp fanfic.]

posted 1 month ago via shaymspain · originally lucyhardin with 2,023 notes

"A Steady Hand to Guide Me"
Chapter 3 of a Multi Fic
Rated M
Alison’s POV

After confessing her true feelings for Emily, Alison is both nervous and anxious for what the future holds for them. Emily helps her get over her nerves and guides her through the rocky terrain that is their new relationship.

As promised here is chapter 3 for you all. Let’s hope we can get on a regular schedule now.

Please give your feedback either on this tumblr or on my instagram (shay_mlover) and please enjoy! Requests are accepted.


Ali, you don’t even know where to look. My subconscious speaks so loud that it is as if there is another person running beside me.

I don’t care how right the voice inside of my head is I have to get to Emily. I’m not even thinking, just letting legs run wherever they please.

I eventually stop and bend over to catch my breath. Once my breathing is back to normal I turn around and realize that I have run to the middle of the woods where the kissing rock is.

I swallow hard, how had my legs known to take me here?

I look around frantically, Emily is nowhere in sight. I am about to give up and take off again when see a flash of black from the corner of my eye.

I turn quickly but whoever it was, most likely A, they are gone now. Emily, however, appears out of nowhere, lying on the forest ground, motionless.

I feel a hard lump in my throat, I walk towards her slowly praying that she is awake.

I get close enough to her body to see her face which is emotionless. She looks like she is in a peaceful sleep, one that I am not sure she will wake up from.

"Em," I croak, too afraid to touch her. Tears spring to my eyes when she doesn’t answer and drop to my knees, this time shaking her violently "Emily!?" I scream.

No response.

"Emily, wake up!" I place index and middle finger to her neck where her pulse is supposed to be but I can’t feel anything against my trembling hand.

I pull away quickly and lean closer to her face “Em,” I say as I place my ear to her chest. Nothing. I sit back up and look at her “please, I need you to wake up.” I become frustrated when she doesn’t do anything and slap her across the face in a fit of anger “Emily, wake the hell up!” I scream

She doesn’t even flinch.

I let my hands fall on her chest and cry “Emily,” I say her name out towards the forest as if she has really left her body and is watching me from a far “please come back to me, I love You. I need you.”

I collapse onto her body and sob into her lifeless chest, I feel a hand slowly inch up and touch my back, I open one eye and see another hand clutch the dirt. I shoot up and stare at her. Her eyes are still closed but she is squinting and I can hear her groaning.

I gasp”Emily!?” I say as she squirms a little. All of a sudden her eyes pop open and I have never felt so relieved in my life “Thank God” I say as I help her sit up and pull her into my arms.

She groans “Ali? What happened?” She asks as she pulls away to look at me.

I just stare at her, still crying, unable to muster anything up.

Her face twists and she puts her hand to the area where I slapped her “Jesus Christ, what happened?” She asks as she massages her cheek.

"I thought you were dead." I finally manage to say "A sent me a text and then I found you here. You weren’t breathing. I thought you were dead."

She looks past me, obviously trying to recollect this memory but I don’t even give her enough time to think before I pull her back to me. I am hugging her and rubbing my nose against her hair because I almost lost her. There was a split second where I thought I had and my whole world came to a screeching halt.


I walk into Emily’s room with tea in my right hand and my cell phone in the other “I just got off the phone with your mom.” I say as I sit on the bed and hand her the cup “She said that her fight leaves from Texas tomorrow morning but that I should stay with you until then.”

Emily just nods and takes a sp of her tea.

"Are you sure she isn’t going to be suspicious?"

Emly shrugs “She probably will but I can’t exactly tell her the real reason that I have a huge knot on my forehead.”

I bite my lip and move closer to her. We’d noticed the large lump a few minutes after she’d woken up and she said she hadn’t remembered it being there before. It was obviously from the car accident that A had caused but we had told her mother that she’d run her car into a tree and banged her head on the steering wheel herself.

We told the other four the same lie, as far as they knew A was dead and gone.

I place my hand on the side of her face and try to get a better look at her bump but she winces when my palm touches her cheek. I pull away quickly “oh, I’m…sorry.” I say as I settle back down on her bed.

Emily nods “Where are the others?” she asks

"They went to get your car out of the woods. They said that they had to call a towing service to pick it up and that they will be here as soon as it comes."

Emily sighs “I can’t believe A tried to kill me. I look down at her comforter”

"I can, I just can’t understand why."

She sits up a little straighter “What did the text say again?”

"Funny, I thought Alison was only in love with Alison. Sad to think that you and Emily will.never get to go on a real date
The cat’s out of the bag -A”
I recite it from memory.

Emily nods “Why would A care if something was going on between me and you? Enough to kill me?”

"Because A’s out to make my life a living hell and they know how I feel about you. Probably more than anyone. They were probably standing nearby watching me and laughing as I basically went insane. They know that if something were to happen to you I’d break, completely."

I can feel Emily’s eyes on me but I continue to stare down at her comforter. A being back is bad enough but now he/she seems even more fearless than before. I wonder if they had intended for Emily to wake up or if supposed to be in a body bag right now. I close my eyes and shiver.

I feel Emily’s hand wrap around my own “I’m here. I’m okay. We’ve just got be little bit more cautious.”

I nod and look at her “Maybe we should tell the girls then. This could be dangerous for them too. And it won’t be long before A sends messages to them saying that we knew and didn’t tell them. Then they’ll probably never speak to us again.”

She blows out of her mouth “We should tell Spencer first. She’ll handle it the best.”

"I’ll handle what the best?" Spencer asks as she appears in the doorway with a bag of takeout in her hand.

"oh, um" I stutter

"Where are the others?" Em covers for me and I am surprised. She usually wasn’t the one to work well under pressure.

Spencer walks into the bedroom and sits down on the other side of the bed “They’re still at the auto repair shop, no one saw the accident and they were able to convince the tow truck driver not to report it to the police. Em, what happened?”

"Texting and driving is a dangerous game." She says with a nervous chuckle

Spencer, Hanna and Aria had caught up with me in the woods a few minutes after Em woke up. I hadn’t even noticed her car wrapped around a tree nearby when I’d gotten there but they’d pointed it out and couldn’t understand how she’d gotten all the way to the kssing rock.

If only they knew that she’d hitched a ride on A’s back.

"For some reason I don’t believe that." Spencer says in that typical sarcastic monotone.

I huff “Okay, Spence if we’re gonna tell you what really happened then you’re gonna have to cut the sarcasm, it’s getting really old.”

Both Spencer and Emily look at me in bewilderment but I ignore them.

Spencer nods and I sigh “I ran out of the café because I’d gotten a text message. It was from A.” I open the message on my phone and hand it to Spencer for her to read “I ran to the kissing rock and I think I saw A but by the time I’d noticed anything they were gone and Em was lying on the ground. She wasnt breathing.”

Spencer drops my phone on the bed and stares out blankly “A is back?” She asks sadly

"I can’t remember how I got there, all I remember is a gloved hand placing something over my mouth and nose and the Ali shaking me awake." Emily says, ignoring Spencer’s retorical question.

Spencer finally looks at Em and then at me “Why didn’t you tell us the truth?”

"Because Aria is already paranoid enough as it is. If she finds out A is still out there then who knows what she’ll do. We thought A was dead, for good but now they’re back and…"

"They’ve skipped taunting and went straight to killing."

posted 1 month ago with 16 notes

"A Steady Hand to Guide Me"
Chapter 2 of a Multi Fic
Rated M
Alison’s POV

After confessing her true feelings for Emily, Alison is both nervous and anxious for what the future holds for them. Emily helps her get over her nerves and guides her through the rocky terrain that is their new relationship.

I am so sorry for the long wait for chapter 2. I’m on mobile and it is difficult to get the chapters from my compter to my phone and then uploaded to Tumblr. Since you all had to wait so long for chapter 2 I will be uploading chapter 3 tpday or tomorrow if it gets too late. Thank you for your patience and hopefully it will not happen again.

Please give your feedback either on this tumblr or on my instagram (shay_mlover) and please enjoy! Requests are accepted.


A thread of something tickles my cheek. It feels like a feather. I open my eyes and there are long, brown strands of hair hovering over my face. Underneath the raven locks is a face, hidden by the shadows of hair.

She giggles and feel a familiar tickle in my stomach. The girl takes her hand from where it is pressed down beside me on the bed and brings it up to her face. She grabs a handful of hair from the middle and pushes it back revealing her face.


She is hovering over me in all of her grandeur and beauty. She giggles again and looks at me “Ali,” she whispers before lowering herself down and pressing her lips to mine.

I clutch the bed sheets so hard that I am sure my knuckles are white and wait for something.

I wait for her lips to move against my own, or for her hand to slink up and touch the side of my face, anything.

Instead she just holds the same position until I cannot breathe anymore. And it isn’t a good kind of sufocation. The kind you feel when you are kissing someone that makes you forget how to breathe.

It is the kind that know and cannot forget.

Soon Emily’s shampoo is replaced with the smell of wet earth and her body is soil that is smothering me. I open my eyes again ond I can see my mother standing above me, pouring dirt into the ditch that know she put me in.

She isn’t as panicked as when it actually happened; she is staring directly at me and smiling like she’s doing something good.

"Mom!" I scream just like had the first time and I know she can hear me but she doesn’t stop

She pours soil into the grave she marked for me until I taste, hear, and see nothing but black.

I jump up quickly and clutch my chest as I try and catch my breath.

My heart is beating a mile a minute and my pajamas are sticking to me.

I wipe my forehead and notice that my hand is quivering.

I shake it off quicky and look around the room just to make sure that I really was dreaming.
I am in my room, it is day time, and there is no sign of Emily or my mother anywhere.

My nightmares are usually terrifying because they are just me reliving my own real horror. I’ve never had one go from really good to really bad like that.

Whoever’s controlling my mind up there is sick.

I take one last deep breath and then climb out of bed. I make my way over to my phone and pick it up. There is a message from Aria:

Spence wants to meet at the Brew this morning to talk. I’ll pick you up, ok?

Spencer probably just wants to talk about the same thing we talked about the night before but I’m desperate to get out of the house so I shoot Aria a quick “ok” message and then head for the shower.

Once inside I scrub every inch of my body until I am pink, making sure that there are no traces of the imaginary dirt from my dream lingering on me.

I wonder what would’ve happened if Emily had never morphed into my demise. Where things would’ve gone.

I stand under the steamy water just thinking about it until I hear my phone ringing and snap out of my trance.

I quickly turn the water off, wrap my towel around my body and head back to my room.

"Hello?" I say once I’ve answered

"Hey, Ali."

I smile immediately when I hear the voice on the other end and sit down on the edge of the bed “Hey, Em.”

"Did you get Spencer’s text?"

I sigh, halfway upset that she’s just calling to talk about our group plans “No, but Aria texted me the details. She’s gonna pick me up.”

"oh, uh I was calling about that. I thought maybe you’d need a ride, I know your dad works on weekends. But if Aria’s coming to get you then never mind."

I bite my lip, if only she knew how much I wanted her to pick me up rather than Aria “Yeah, I would’ve loved that but she’s already set in her decision and you know Aria.”

She giggles and I hold the phone tighter against my ear as if it’d make me feel any closer to her “Well I guess I’ll see you in a bit.”

I smile “Yeah.” I say and we say our goodbyes and hang up.

I get up to finish getting ready and I feel lighter because I know that in a bit I will see her.


I get into the passenger seat of Aria’s car and close the door. She is already staring at me “What?” I ask her as I buckle my seat belt.

"Your hair. It’s still wet." She says as she reaches out to run her fingers through it

"Yeah, I know. I took a little longer in the shower and I didn’t have time to dry my hair."

"It must’ve been a long shower." She says before putting the car in drive and starting down the street.

I cross my arms and look at her “You’re talking about me but you’re still in the same pants you were in yesterday. And,” I lean closer to her “Is that Ezra’s Hollis hoodie?”

Aria stammers “Uh yeah. Actually, I kind of stayed over his place last night.”

I chuckle “So are you guys back together?” I ask, a smirk playing on my face.

"No! I just didn’t want to stay at home and he’s the only one that can keep my mind off of Shana and…what I did." She whispers "We didn’t do anything and I slept on the couch."

I nod “Sounds innocent enough.”

"Yeah but just please don’t tell the girls. You may be rooting for Ezra and me but they still aren’t over the whole ‘stalking us for two years’ thing. Let’s just keep this between us."

I nod. I had plenty of secrets of my own that I wanted to keep from the girls so I understood. A part of me wanted to tell Aria about Emily but it didn’t seem like the right thing to do without consulting her first.

"your secrets safe with me."

She looks at me”They always were.”

I sigh and sit back. I was always the one that the others would reveal their darkest secrets to and Aria sleeping over Ezra’s wasn’t that big of a deal but did I really want to go back to the old Ali?

This was small though. How much harm could it do?

We drive to the Brew and go inside. It’s weird being back here. Everything, even the air, feels different. I lean in closer to Aria as we walk towards the back of the café where Spencer and Hanna are sitting and sipping their coffee.

Hanna sees us and smiles “We ordered for you gus.”

Aria and I sit across from them and I look around “Where’s Em?” I ask when I realize she isn’t there.

Spencer sips her grande sized cup and shrugs “We were hoping she was with you guys”

"No, she said she was meeting us here"

I swallow. It isn’t like Emily to be late and I had just spoken to her, she said she was coming. I don’t want to assume the worst but I can’t help but think something’s wrong.

I am about to suggest that we call her when Hanna speaks “I’m sure she’s on her way. Spence what did you want us to meet for?”

"Oh, I found this in my cupboard yesterday. I showed Ali yesterday but I thought you guys should know. It’s made out to my father, the same pill that killed Mrs. D."

l sigh as Spencer hands the bottle to Hanna and she reads it. Aria moves closer so that she can read it too.

Spencer looks at me sympathetically and I just shake my head. She knows I want no part in this and yet she keeps involving me.

"Ali," she starts when my phone beeps.

I fish it out of my bag and open up the message.

Funny, I thought Alison was only in love with Alison. Sad think that you and Em will never get to go on a real date. The cat’s out of the bag -A

I gulp as my heart starts to race and I get up. I don’t even wait to tell the girls what’s going on, there’s no time.

I run out of the Brew with one goal in mind, find Emily.

I don’t even know where to look but if A’s got her I’ve got no time to weigh out my options.

posted 1 month ago with 12 notes

Anonymous asked: "Omg I've shipped emison since season 1 and im hoping they genuinely become a thing! And I noticed Ali "put on weight" but is that the dress she is wearing there or is it just sasha looks like that oooorrr???? Ps loving ch1!!! 😊😊"

thank you and ive noticed too. I just think its sasha’s body type

posted 2 months ago with 3 notes


emison for anon~

posted 2 months ago via emisondifields · originally hashtagpll with 320 notes



This literally made my day. #emison

The way Sasha sticks her tongue out like she knew Shay was going to do that <3



This literally made my day. #emison

The way Sasha sticks her tongue out like she knew Shay was going to do that <3

posted 2 months ago via emisondifields · originally i-aint-straight with 495 notes

posted 2 months ago via emisondifields · originally hashtagpll with 277 notes


Those kisses weren’t just for practice.

dinah--saur asked: "I really like your Emison fanfic. I'm curious where this is going. Nice job."

Thank you :)

posted 2 months ago

"A Steady Hand to Guide Me"
Chapter 1 of a Multi Fic
Rated M
Alison’s POV

After confessing her true feelings for Emily, Alison is both nervous and anxious for what the future holds for them. Emily helps her get over her nerves and guides her through the rocky terrain that is their new relationship.

This is chapter one of my Emison Multi Fic and I will upload a new chapter every Tuesday. I will notify you all ahead of time if I am unable to upload on that day.

Please give your feedback either on this tumblr or on my instagram (shay_mlover) and please enjoy! Requests are accepted.


I pace back and forth across my room unsure of what to do with myself. I sent Emily the text asking her to meet me at my place almost 20 minutes ago and either she didn’t get it or she’s still ignoring me. It’s been so frustrating the way she’s been avoiding me and I really need to talk to her to straighten things out between the two of us.

I can handle the other girls being passive with me but not Em.

I pick up my phone from where I threw it on the bed and I am about to call her when I get a text.

Sorry, just got out of swim practice. On my way -Emily

I sigh, relieved that she is at least still willing to talk to me. I remember her telling me that she didn’t swim anymore and wonder why she’d be at practice but forget about it, I’m just happy she’s coming.

I put my phone back on my bed and walk over to my mirror. I stare at myself; all of a sudden I am insecure about the way that I look. Is my hair too frizzy, do I need more lip gloss, maybe I should change.

It’s ironic how the one person that has always only seen me as beautiful is the one person that I actually feel the most self-conscious around.

Before I can even try and fix myself up the doorbell rings. I rush to the door and hurry out of my own room and down the stairs yelling “I’ll get it” so that my dad won’t answer it.

Too late.

By the time I get to the bottom of the steps he is already at the door greeting Emily “Come in.” he says sweetly.

I rush towards them “No! Let’s go outside.” I say, slipping past him and standing in front of Emily “it’s such a nice night.” I smile

"Alison." My dad says nervously

I turn to him “We’ll just be on the porch. I promise.”

He sighs and closes the door behind him leaving Em and I on the porch alone.

I turn to her “I don’t want him or Jason listening in on us. They’ve probably got my room bugged”

She giggles and we both walk towards the steps and sit down.

"So," I say as I settle on the step and turn towards her "swim practice? You arent even wet."

Emily nods “Oh, yeah I’m not actually doing the swimming. Paige and I are helping…”

l cut her off “Paige?” I laugh nervously “I thought you two broke up.”

"We did but we work really well as a unit and we’re trying to be friends."

She says it like the word is foreign to her and all I can think about is how not too long ago she was in love with my enemy, or at least one of them. “And how’s that going?”

Emily shrugs “Pretty well. Things will probably always be a little weird between us but we’re trying”

I nod. I wonder if things are weird because she’s still in love with Paige but I don’t dare say it out loud, I’m afraid of her answer “Well if you’re trying to be friends with her than so will I.”

Emily chuckles “Yeah right.”

"I’m serious! I said I was going to try to make amends with every person that I hurt."

"And how is that going for you?"

“Not too well.”

We both laugh and she gazes out past my house and towards spencer’s. She knows that we aren’t on great terms right now either and she probably feels weird being here without the other girls knowing “Spencer doesn’t believe that you’ll change. Become a better person.”

I look at her and swallow “Well, what do you think?”

She looks back at me; her face muted “I think that you are just going to have to prove to everyone that you can. Including me”

I sigh “Em,”

"You seem different. Humble, kind, at least to me anyways. It’s just the lying. "

"I told you guys I made up that lie to protect Aria. I didn’t mean any real harm by it."

"what about the secrets, Ali? What about Cece and everything else? You can tell me but you can’t tell the other girls? Why?"

I scoot closer to her and grab her hand “Because I trust you, I trust you more than anyone else in this world. I would’ve told you everything if I didn’t think it was dangerous for you to know.”

Emily shakes her head “She thinks you’re trying to divide me from the group. Spencer.”

I take a deep breath “I’m not. I want more than anything for us to all be best friends again but it’s proving to be more difficult than I thought it would be. Spencer doesn’t trust me, Aria’s having a mental melt down and Hanna is going through a ‘mid-life crisis’ there’s just too much going on. You seem to be the only one that actually wants to repair things between us.”

She looks out past the house again “Maybe things are irreparable, Ali” She says sadly.

I bite my lip “I wanted to talk to you about that. I know that things between the 5 of us aren’t going so well but how are things between the two of us? Between you and I?”

Emily looks at me quickly, her face flushed with all sorts of emotions. She looks down at our joined hands and then shrugs “I remember what you told me when we met that night. That you were sorry for hurting me.”

“You believed me right?”

She nods “I did. It had taken me a long time to get past the anger that I was holding on to.I was angry that you broke my heart and then disappeared without even saying goodbye. I was angry that… that you didn’t love me back.”

My heart skips a beat and I swallow “Emily, I…”

She looks up at me and I stop mid-sentence when I see the tears hanging at the brim of her eyes “I had been so angry with you because you confused me. I had been good at acting ‘normal’ but with you I just couldn’t hide it, I couldn’t help myself. And you made me feel horrible about it.”

This time I look down

"But I got over it. You were dead and it was time to forgive and forget. I grew up, became stronger, and embraced who I was. Fell in love over and over again. I was happy with burying my feelings for you. But finding out that you were alive and then actually seeing it with my own eyes was like…like reliving the hell that I had worked so hard on moving past"

Now she was actually crying and so was I. This is what we both needed. Closure. “Loving you has been the most painful, most confusing thing I have ever done and I can’t stop. I can’t.”

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know whether to tell her everything I know she wants to hear, everything I know that I feel or to not say a word. I don’t know what’s right anymore, what I can do to make sure she knows that I will never break her heart again.

I sniffle and squeeze her hand tighter “Emily, listen,” she looks at me and when I see the way her eyes melt like pools of chocolate when she cries I start to break down even more “I am so sorry. I am so sorry for hurting you, for lying to you, breaking your heart. I was a… horrible person. I was selfish and I was afraid.” I look down at our hands and the way that they intertwine like they fit perfectly “I had never…felt that way before. I was embarrassed and I knew that if I had been brave like you had then I would be judged and I couldn’t handle the thought of that. So I pretended that you were just some sort you of target practice. I was trying to run away from what I was really feeling.”

Emily takes a deep breath “So what is the truth, Alison?”

I loosen my grip around her hands and stare past her “The truth is: I prayed day and night that you’d try and kiss me or hold my hand. I’d wish that I had the courage to really tell you how I felt. And when I ran away I’d think about you sometimes, wonder what you were doing. Wonder if you were thinking of me too. I would sometimes imagine sneaking back to Rosewood and climbing into your bedroom window and telling you that…” I feel nauseous. I look at Emily who is hanging onto every word that I am saying.

"Tell me what?" she asks me eagerly.

I blow out of my mouth. To confess this on top of everything that is happening right now would be stupid. Any sane person wouldn’t even admit their deepest darkest feelings to themselves if they were going through what I was, if they had been through what I had. But I wasn’t sane, I was Alison Dilaurentis and the girl in front of me was Emily Fields. She was beautiful and brave and stronger than I ever could be and she was there, still madly in love with me. Even after everything I put her through; even after everyone else gave up on me she never stopped loving me. I owed this to her. I owed this to myself

"Telling you that I loved you. I love you."


Em and I sit for another hour on the porch, crying and touching and at one point even kissing. When we kiss it is slow and tastes like salt from the mixture of our tears but it still makes me burn inside.

I want to stay there forever, with her lips pinned against my own, my arms draped over her shoulders. I could kiss her for a lifetime but then I remember where we are and I remember who we are and that we cannot let the wrong people see us.

I pull away and wipe my mouth. I look down at the lip gloss on my fingertips and smile “You still use ‘Pink Passion’? It was my…”

"Favorite. I know. You said that you liked the way it tasted."

I nod “I did.” I look up at her and smile “Do.”

She smiles back at me and for a moment we just stare at one another longingly until I notice Spencer we walking towards my house. I clear my throat and Emily breaks her gaze and turns around “oh, uh” she says as Spencer reaches the first step of my porch.

"Em, I didn’t know you were going to be here"

"It wasn’t planned." Emily gets up quickly and grabs her bag "I came over after swim practice." She and throws her bag over her shoulder.

"Wait, you don’t have to leave" say quickly, not wanting her to run off so fast.

Emily shakes her head “No, it’s okay. My mom is probably wondering where I am. I’ll call you”

I smile and nod and watch as she hurries across our yard and towards her car.

Spencer chuckles “She’s acting strange.”

I look at her quickly “No she isn’t, she just said her mom wants her home.”

Spencer rolls her eyes “Her mom’s not even home but you may be right.” She replies sarcastically.

"You know you don’t have to be suspicious about everything right, Spence?"

Spencer throws her hands up as she its down next to me “okay. That isn’t what I came over here to talk to you about anyways.” She goes into the satchel situated on her hip and pulls out a pill bottle.

I sigh this can only be about one thing.

"I found this in my cabinet. It’s made out for my father."

She hands me the bottle and I read it aloud “150 milligrams of Losartan for Peter Hastings.” I take a deep breath and hand her back the bottle “You should get this back before your dad notices that it’s missing.”

"What? Ali, they said that your mother died because someone switched her blood pressure pills. For Losartan! This is important. My dad could’ve…"

"Spencer! Stop, okay? I don’t want to talk about this; I’m just starting to be able to go to bed without crying."

She scoffs “I thought you’d care more about the way your mother was murdered. Especally my father was the one that did it.”

"we don’t know that okay." My voice strains from trying not to cry

"Yeah, because the people across the street somehow snuck into your house, switched your mom’s pills, and then buried her in my backyard. He had motive, Ali. It has to be him."

I stand up “Well then you take it up with him. I’m done getting involved in things that I have no business being involved in. Maybe you should follow suit.”

Spencer gets up and shakes her head “There’s difference between having good information that could a help someone and just choosing not to use it. I learned that from you” She leans a little closer to me and then steps back “You have some pink on your lips.”

She doesn’t even allow me to speak, just runs down my steps and walks back to her house. I wipe my mouth quickly.

I shake my head; I wasn’t lying when I said that I was done getting involved. I loved my mother dearly but she definitely wasn’t a good person. Whoever killed her had motive just like she had motive when she tried to bury me alive. I figure not getting involved will save me a lot of guilt and heart-ache.

The truth will come out eventually whether I push it or not.

I walk into my house and head up the stairs to my room. I am about to start getting ready for bed when my phone goes off. It’s a text, from Emily.

Call me when you get this -Emily

Ismile and call her number without hesitation. I wait patiently as the line rings. She says “Hey” when she picks and she sounds happy. Tired but happy
“Hey.” I say back as I sit down on a chair “I’m sorry about running off like that. I just didn’t want Spencer to get the wrong idea about us, you know.”

I giggle “I know, Em. It’s okay.”

I hear her sigh on the other end, she sounds like she’s lying down.

"If you’re going to sleep can I can call you tomorrow. Or we could meet up."

"No, it’s okay. Just stay on the phone with me until I fall asleep, no one is home right now and I just feel safer with you on the other line."

I smile to myself “okay”

For a while we don’t say anything and I can hear her breathing become slow and steady. I am about to hang up when I hear my name.

"Ali," she whispers. I put the phone back to my ear T"hank you…"

She doesn’t need to elaborate because I know what she’s thanking me for. I chuckle softly wishing that I was there with her so that I could thank her.

Instead I simply say “Good night, Em” And when she doesnt say anything back I hang up. I hold the phone to my chest and bite my lip. They still taste like strawberries, like her.

I have a lot on my plate right now and it’s going to take a while to sort everything out. Some things are irreparable as Emily had said but I can sleep soundly at night knowing that at least we aren’t. She knows how feel I about her, she knows that I am sorry and most importantly she knows that love her.

I hope at least now she can sleep soundly at night too knowing that.

posted 2 months ago with 63 notes

Anonymous asked: "Do you have a part two to the beremy fic you wrote about bonnie and jeremy and their baby?"

Yes i do. Just trying to find the time to upload it

posted 2 months ago

yvngflame asked: "bamon is real you mad :)"

lol nah girl cause i got what i wanted and thats beremy. Bamon held hands as they slipped off into oblivion and that was because they had NO other option. If thats real then shit #teambamon true love.

posted 4 months ago with 2 notes